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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Angel vs spock - fantasy battles

SPOCK VS ANGEL














---------------

"Captains log stardate 8130.3. Starship Enterprise on training mission to Gamma Hydra section 14 coordinates 22 87 4. Approaching neutral zone, all systems normal and functioning. It has come to my attention that after yesterdays capture of a demonic form from the planet earth , we have a serious problem.After the initial interrogation performed by myself and Spock we have gathered information that unless we take some decisive action against an individual called Angelus or Angel in the city of los Angele's on the planet earth that the repercussions for earth in the future could be catastrophic.

The Demonic form we captured told us of a prophecy that two great warriors that now are fighting on the side of light and goodness together will become bitter enemies in the future, at the moment these two warriors keep the balance on Earth of good and evil , they battle demons and evil enerties that threaten the humans .

In this prophecy these two great warriors forget there mission to protect the human race and engage in a bitter fued fuelled by jealousy between themselves that ends ultimately in both being killed.The names of these two great warriors are Buffy and Angel.We have decided to break a fundermental star fleet rule and intervene before this fued takes place and threatens the whole of Earths inhabitants.I am taking this prophercy seriously as spock thinks that this fued could really become a reality and in the vacuum that is left by the death of these two great warriors the demons and dark forces will fill the void and destroy all humans.This is why I will dispatch Spock a highly trained negotiator to assess the situation and take decisive action against Angel if need be
."


Just then the door to kirks private quarters slid open with a WHOOSH and Spock was standing in the doorway" Are we ready captain"


"Yes Spock , we,ve tracked Angels last known location with the help of the Demon we captured from earth..lets go " Kirk replied as he rose from his chair and made his way over to Spock.

Both Kirk and Spock made there way to the transporter room, Kirk patted Spock on the back and handed him his communication device and phaser "good luck spock " Kirk said as Spock stepped onto the tranporter pad.


Kirk stared with an concerned glare as spock disapeared in the whirl of the transporter beam.The room fell silent..
------------------------------------- --------------- ----------+++
Spock was now standing in a busy los angeles at the back of Wolfram & Hart a law firm that was the last known location of Angel.Spock surveyed the area in a calm and caluculated manner , looking for any sign or hint where Angel could be , just then a tall dark haired man walked from the back of the building, Spocks senses raced and and his Vulcan logic told him that this man was indeed the Great warrior called Angel.


As Angel walked across the car park he stopped and turned to Spock , Angels instinct knew something was wrong.Both spock and Angel looked eachother up and down assessing the other man.

"Can I help you mr , you look a bit out of place here " Angel shouted across the car park to Spock

Spock walked over to Angel " Is your name Angelus , I need to talk to you "

Angel looked at Spock with a hard glare and gritted his teeth "ahh another demon looking for some action , I see , I was gonna get myself a coffee but I,m sure I can fit in a quick ass kicking of an overgrown pixie before that "

Spock raised one eyebrow " A pixie ....a mythical creature of human folklore, considered to be particularly concentrated in the areas around Devon and Cornwall in England.I can assure you I am no Pixie , I am a vulcan , and my name is spock science officer and commanding officer of the USS Enterprise NCC-1701 , I have been sent here to talk to you , I do not require as you put it an ass kicking "

Angel stepped closer to spock and looked into his eyes " Look here spock , you are about 3 seconds away from meeting you creator , so say what you gotta say and make it quick pixie boy"

Spock rasied his hands and placed them at key points on Angels face " If you permitt me I just need to do this, then I will leave you in peace "

Spock closed his eyes and started to merge his conciossness with Angels subconciossnes in a ancient act of Vulcan mind Fusion.Instantly Angels eyes started to flicker and his body started to tremble , a vision started to appear to spock.....

Instantly spock knew that this was the begining of the prophecy and that from that moment on Angel and Buffy would destroy eachother and thus plungle earth into a ever decreasing spiral of evil from which the planet would never escape, spock knew that he must eliminate this man Angel for the sake of earth.

Spock let go of Angels face and Angel fell to his kness and put his hands over his eyes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Angel screamed "NEVER "

Angel had seen the exact same preminition as spock, as spock had seen it.

"What Mind games are you trying to play on me Demon " Angel screamed as he jumped to his feet and pushed Spock away.Angels thoughts raced was this punishment for all the crimes the commited as angelus? was this just demon trickery ?

Spock reached for his phaser with lightening reactions and blasted at Angel , Angel dived to the ground and the phaser blast slammed into a car behind him setting it on fire instantly.

Angel rose up from the ground , his eyes now glowed red and his face was now of a vampire enraged and looking for blood.Angel charged at Spock like a jaguar onto his prey , spock aimed his phaser once again at Angel but it was too late , Angel slammed into spock and they both fell over , Angel ontop of Spock .Angel looked up at the sky and let out a fierce blood curdeling roar , then grabbed Spock around his throat and started to squeeze with superhuman unmercifull strength .


Spock clasped Angels hands and tried to free them from his neck, but Angels hands stayed firm.Spock drew his own arm back and karate chopped angel in the side of his neck with massive force.Angel fell to the side of spock.


Both Spock and Angel jumped immediatly to there feet and began to circle eachother with arms outstretched looking for the weakness in the other opponant, with a loud roar and bearing his sharp white teeth Angel squatted down and then leaped high into the air coming down hard with both hands clasped delivering a massive hammer blow to spocks head , spock collasped to the floor .Angel saw his opportunity to finish spock off , Angel grabbed Spocks hair and pulled his head back exposing spocks fragile neck, Angel went in to sink his ferocious teeth into spocks jugular, Angel was just about to clamp his teeth into Spocks neck when spock with one hand put a hand on Angels forehead to stop the attack and with the other hand plunged his fingers deep into Angels coller bone delivering a crushing Vulcan Pinch .

Angel arched his back in pain , Spock intesified his Vulan pinch , Angel let out a huge scream with the intense pain of the attack .Angel could feel his lifeforce ebbing away and things starting to turn black , it was nearly over ..


Angel started to have visions of buffy and his life before he recieved a soul, his life as angelus ,all the innocents he had killed , the women , the alcohol , he needed to redeem himself , he needed to see buffy again...

"I .....WILL ..NOT LET YOU DESTROY WHAT I COULD HAVE...WHAT I WILL HAVE " Angel gasped as he pullled himself back from the blackness that was comsuming him.Angel looked down and saw Spocks Phaser attached to his belt, he made a grab for it..

The phaser went off ZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAMMMM , both men crumpled to the ground like rag dolls, smoke filled the air then there was a deathly silence..

Minutes passed in silence , minutes that seemed like an eternity, the smoke finally cleared to expose the scene , Angels eyes flicked open and he gasped in a massive breath of air , Angel slowly pulled himself up onto his knees to look what had happened to his opponant .spock had recieved a phaser blast to his chest and was still alive , but only just..

Just then an electronic noise pierced the silence " Kirk to Spock .... come in spock..do you recieve spock....Abort mission ...I repeat abort mission , there is no prophecy spock , this Demon we have on the ship his name is SPIKE and its all been a set up, he wanted to trick us into killing Angel so he could have the other warrior Buffy to himself, he was fuelled by jealousy.Abort mission spock..we are beaming you up now...stand by"


Spock looked at his communicator then looked at Angel " This is highley irregular" he said raising one eyebrow


"I will survive , dont worry "Spock said as he reached out his hand to Angel , Angel went to touch his hand but spocks body was now immersed in the transportation beam from the enterprise and he dissapeared leaving Angel alone again..

---------------------------------------------THE END

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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX VS SPIDERMAN 3

Spiderman 3 (2007) vs Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)



SPIDERMAN 3 The highly anticipated final chapter of the popular Spider-Man trilogy sees Peter and Mary Jane finally together at last, but three new enemies, the Sandman, Venom and Spidey's old enemy, the New Goblin, his best friend, Harry Osborn, threatens the lives of people close to Peter. I cant wait to see this movie . released May 4th, 2007

vs


HARRY POTTER & THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX



Harry is about to start his fifth year at Hogwarts. He's desperate to get back to school and find out why is friends Ron and Hermoine have been so secretive all summer. However, what Harry is about to discover in his new year at Hogwarts will turn his world upside down.... A new witch takes control at Hogwarts, throwing the entire school into chaos.Not only has Poor Harry got enough on his plate but he must study for his OWL exam .
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MY CHOICE

Ive been looking forward to both of these great movies coming out , but I was thinking today which one would I rather see ? .If I arrived at the cinema and both of these movies where on at the same time which one would I see first ? . After nearly giving myself a brain aneurysm thinking about this I came to the conclusion its got to be spiderman 3 , I rationalised it by spiderman 3 has got better Eye candy in the form of redhead Mary Jane and I like the idea of spiderman turning to the darkside for a while.I know I,m so fickle , so what do you guys think, which one are you looking forward to seeing?

The next FANTASY BATTLE
The next fantasy battle that you guys wanted to see will be ANGEL VS SPOCK , I think we are gonna be in for a real treat.Ive informed both contestants and they are ready to rumble.Spock's reply when I told him was " It is illogical to engage in physical combat unless an imminent threat is posed to ones self " .But after I informed Spock that Angel called him a giant Pixie and he was sure that he fancied kirk , Spock raised one eye brow.which in my book says lets get it on.

So the fantasy battle of ANGEL VS SPOCK in all is Vulcan neck pinching , Vampire transforming glory will be brought to you in a day or two.

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Friday, April 20, 2007

The Fantasy battle contestants are , angel , spock ,mace windu , jules winnfield ,simon cowell , david hasselhoff , kakihara, gogo yubari.

The contestants are ready , the matches are set , the choice is yours.
These are the best of the matchups that you guys have chosen who you would like to see battle it out in a fantasy battle to the bitter end.I must say you guys are getting good at this.All these characters have put their careers on hold for the chance to compete in a fantasy battle just for your entertainment, they have trained hard and are willing and able to open up a jumbo can of whoop ass on there opponent.
so who's it to be, you decide ...
THE FANTASY BATTLE CONTESTANTS ARE...



The Vampire with a soul
ANGEL
VS
SPOCK
The Vulcan with a vice like pinch






A senior member of the Jedi High Council & a respected Jedi
MACE WINDU
VS

JULES WINNFIELD
A cool hitman
"And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you "


The straight talking , high trouser wearing American idol judge
SIMON COWELL
VS
DAVID HASSELHOFF
The super stud , that is the Hoff.


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The sadomasochist
yakuza from Ichi the Killer who enjoys giving and receiving pain in equal measures
KAKIHARA
VS
GOGO YUBARI

A sadistic 17-year old assassin from kill bill.

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Saturday, April 14, 2007

Transformers , Yoda , Gollum , power rangers watch them battle it out.

Well guys I,m glad you all enjoyed the fantasy battle between Optimus Prime vs The Power rangers. I,ve got a troop of demented Klingon's working on some other great matchups for you guys to decide who you wanna see get it on in the next fantasy battle.


Remember if you have any ideas on what matchup you would like to see, let me know and I,ll include them on the next post for everyone to decide if they would like to see that battle or not.

FANTASY BATTLES NEWS UPDATE.

Well since Fantasy battles has got more and more popular Ive had some strange contestants wanting to enter a fantasy battle. First up I had an Email from these guys the Sith Squirrels who have been practicing hard every day and they sent me a pic from their secret Sith Squirrel training camp and want to take on Yoda.

I contacted Yoda and his reply was "Nut burying leads to anger , anger leads to squirells with lightsabers , squirrels with light sabers leads to....... Drunk too much I think I have , lie down now I think I will."

Which I thought was fair enough..


Also since Gollum had his famous fantasy battle with Yoda , he dropped me a quick Email from Hollywood where he said he,s doing just great , and his ring is now fine. In fact since his appearance on Fantasy Battles he has turned over a new leaf.

So guys let me hear your suggestions on who you would like to put forward for the next fantasy battle? Whether its the Sith Squirells vs Yoda or anyone you can think of. I will bring you your suggestions plus some others for your to pick who you would like to see battle it out next very soon.

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Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Optimus Prime (Transformers) VS The Power Rangers - Fantasy Battles

OPTIMUS PRIME -----VS ------THE POWER RANGERS













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"Optimus prime ? Transformers ? , autobots ? " Ive never heard of them tommy said to Adam as they walked through the car breakers yard.

"Well Rocky .......All I know is billy and Aisha said that they came here looking for a car for Billys grandma and they come across a massive Robot who called himself optimus prime who warned them to stay out of his buissness and something about he was looking for Decepticons that where using the breakers Yard as a base ."

"Man , I dont know what them guys are on , but If they are not joking this could be really serious, lets keep an eye out for anything unusual while we are looking for a car for billys Grandma "

Just then a salesman walked over to Tommy and Adam " howdy there partners , what can I do for you guys on this lovley day "

"Hi there , well we are looking for a cheap car for one of my friends Grandma" Adam said as he looked around the Yard

The salesman shook both there hands "You just may be in luck there boys , come this way and I,ll show ya what we got "

As Adam and Tommy followed the salesman , they heard a powerful voice say " REMEMBER STAY OUT OF MY BUISSNESS "

" What the hell was that ? , it sounded like it came from over there" Adam said to Tommy as they walked in the direction of where the voice had come from.

They came to a large Red truck that was parked in the yard.

"It sounded like it came from this truck Tommy laughed as he kicked the wheel of the truck"

"MOVE AWAY FROM ME KIDS " a voice boomed out from the truck

Tommy and Adam jumped back from the truck " What the hell !!! , this this truck just talked to us " Adam said as he stared in disbelief at Tommy.

"THATS RIGHT I TALK , NOW MOVE AWAY I,M CLOSE TO FINDING MEGATRON AND HE MUST BE DESTROYED NO MATTER THE COST"

Adam walked closer to the red truck"What the hell did you say!! , you aint gonna destroy no one or nothing on our patch, right Tommy?"

"Right Adam , Now who the Hell are you " Tommy shouted as he punched the door of the truck.

"You aint gonna destroy nothing around here , who is Megatron and more importantly who or what the hell are you? " Tommy growled as once again he kicked the wheel of the truck.

"I AM OPTIMUS PRIME THE LEADER OF THE AUTOBOTS I AM FROM THE PLANET CYBERTRON , I BATTLE THE EVIL FORCES OF THE DECEPTICONS,KEEPING THE EARTH AND OUR HOMELAND PEACEFULL AND THUS THE UNIVERSE AT PEACE TOO.NOW LEAVE THIS AREA AND DO NOT STAND IN MY WAY."

Adam looked at Tommy "You will not battle or destroy anyone here on earth as we keep the peace here , we dont want to fight you , but if you keep up this aggressive attitude we will have to teach you a lesson"

There was a rumble from the red truck"ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU WILL PROTECT MEGATRON? "

"hell yeah , we will protect anyone from harm" Tommy shouted in defiance as he punched the air.

There was a loud whiring noise that started up from the truck "I AM A PROTECTOR OF ALL LIFE , BUT IF YOU INTERFERE WITH MY BATTLE AGAINST MEGATRON AND THE DECEPTICONS, THEN I WILL HAVE TO COUNT YOUR LIVES AS COLLATORAL DAMAGE TO SAVE HUMANITY AND THE UNIVERSE"

Tommy and Adam jumped back from the truck and both fell into a Ninjetti stance ready to fight.

"Look Optimus , we will fight you if you threaten us , and to be honest I think you would be wise to reconsider before fighting us, after all you are just a truck and we are mighty power rangers" Tommy said in a firm voice

Just then the sales man walked over " Hey guys so you interested in buying this truck, to be honest I havent seen it here before , but It must be new stock"

" No way we are going to teach this bully of a truck a lesson he will never forget" tommy shouted

The salesman walked over to the truck , " guys...guys... calm down , your talking like this truck is alive or something" the salesman said as he patted the truck.

"so you wanna buy......................"the salesman was interupted by this...........




Optimus prime transformed and rose up to stand high above the Adam and Tommy , he walked a few paces away shaking the ground as he went then turned and fired a stun ray at the salesman freezing him mid sentence.Then he turned and grabbed a car from the ground and threw it at Tommy and Adam as a warning shot.The car crashed infront of the tommy and adam and exploded into flames,throwing them both back with the force of the blast.

"SO ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO PROTECT MEGATRON?"optimus boomed as he activated his thrusters and hovered 50 ft above the ground in a shower of sparks and electricity.

"Hell yeah , lets get this battle going " both tommy and adam screamed as they got back to there feet.

Tommy pressed his emergency rangers button on his wrist band to summon the rest of the power rangers to the battle.

Optimus prime hovered over the teenagers "ARE YOU WILLING TO SACRIFICE YOURSELVES JUST TO PROTECT MEGATRON ?, FREEDOM IS THE RIGHT OF ALL SENTIENT BEINGS , NO SACRIFICE IS TO GREAT IN THE SERVICE OF FREEDOM ....INCLUDING YOU!!"

Tommy stood firm and looked up at optimus"We will protect anyone from harm"

Just then the rest of the rangers screeched up in a car and joined there friends. They stood shoulder to shoulder in a line underneath optimus.

"Lets do this " Tommy shouted ....

The heroic team morphed into the power rangers in a haze of flashing lights and crappy 1980,s cheesy effects.Then began to sommersault and backflip and pose in there shiny coloured suits.

Optimus prime rose up high into the sky "THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.. WALK AWAY OR GET CARRIED AWAY"

The power rangers carried on posing and swatting the air and kicking with there ninjetti moves shouting some nonsense about mighty Morphing power rangers.

Then Optimus prime swooped down and grabbed tommy the white ranger by the foot and dragged him back up into the air and held him upside down .

"DAM YOU POWER RANGERS ARE SUCH ANNOYING FAGGOTS, TIME TO BE CRUSHED!!"

Optimus grabbed Tommys head in one hand and his feet in the other and pulled him apart infront of the other power rangers , a shower of blood and White shiny suite fell to the ground all around the remaining rangers.
Then optimus threw both sections of tommy behind him like a crappy 80,s old toy that your really bored with.

The remaining Power Rangers back flipped and sommersaulted there way out of the danger area landing on top of a building nearby.Optimus swooped down again from the sky and landed with both feet on the building crushing it to rubble, all the power rangers sommersaulted out of harms way at the last moment, adam took his opportunity and ran up and done a powerful flying kick to optimus ,s head section.

Optimus stumbled back a little with the force of the blow , Adam landed with all the gracefullness of a cat and began to ninjetti chop and kick the air , then stood still in a gay Power ranger pose .Optimus then jumped from the rubble of the building and landed astride Adam.

Adam then produced his Zeo Laser Pistol and blasted 4 accurate shots into Optimus,s face.Optimus brushed some flaked paint work of this his face "WHY THANKYOU FOR THAT , I HAD AN ANNOYING ITCH THERE , NOW ITS TIME FOR YOU TO MEET YOUR MAKER"


Adam began to run , Optimus held aloft his right hand and it began to retract , a loud humming sound then filled the air.Now in place of the robotic hand was a huge glowing energon axe.With a blast of his trusters optimus landed infront of Adam smashing the concerete on landing , Adam jumped high into the air to avoid the swipe of the energon axe, but it was futile , Optimus was a killing machine and every move he made was calculated and worked out to the nearest millimeter.The energon axe cut Adam in two like a knife through butter while he was in the air. Before the two smoking pieces of adam had hit the floor Optimus ,s focus was already on the remaining Rangers.

Optimus used his power thrusters to blast high into the sky to track where his prey had now run too,he scanned the area with his heat source eye filters and found the group of rangers sheltering behind a pile of crushed cars,Optimus,s radar hearing could pick up what they where saying, they had a plan to change into there respected Zords.Optimus could see them starting to morph.

Optimus Prime blasted down to where the rangers where hiding and smashed his energon axe into the ground creating a massive energon wave that made the ground ripple and flame , this had the effect of an earth quake but with blasts of energon waves pulsing through his victims bodys which threw the power rangers like rag dolls in every direction.
Opimus prime scanned the area and recorded the whereabouts of every power ranger , some had flown into nearby trees and were hanging in the branches and some lay dazed and confused on the floor.



"YOU CHOSE YOUR DESTINY THE MOMENT YOU SAID YOU WOULD PROTECT MEGATRON AND HIS EVIL FOLLOWERS, NO ZOIDS CAN SAVE YOU NOW ....PREPARE FOR ANNIYALATION"Optimus boomed

The car breakers yard now looked more like an power rangers breakers yard for dicarded and annoying Power ranger merchandise .The rangers lay moaning and stumbeling about in a daze from the huge Energon wave that had passed through there bodys.The remaining Power rangers tried to escape and beg for mercy , but Optimus had no mercy for these fake hero , posing pussies of power rangers.


"NOW MORPH INTO CONCERETEZIODS " Optimus boomed in a loud voice as he raised his feet and stomped the remaining Powers rangers into the concerete like bugs.

The last Power ranger left was Kimberly who was crying like a baby clinging to a branch of a tree in her Pink lycra suite, looking like a discarded condom.Optimus stomped over to her and pulled her from the tree , he stuck his thumb into the coller of her lyrca suite and with the other hand grabbed the legs of the lyrca suite and began to stretch her suite like an huge pink elastic band , then he let go of her feet and pinged her hundreds of feet into the air , as she was falling back to the ground Optimus launched a plasma rocked and exploded her in the air like a power ranger clay pidgeon.

It was over , the Power rangers or what was left of them lay scattered around the Breakers yard,Optimus stomped over to the innocent salesmen who was still frozen from optimus,s stun ray and released him from the ray with a reversal beam.

The salesman looked around him "What the hell happened to my customers!!!!"

Optimus glared down at the sales man and said "WELL SOME HAD TO HIT THE ROAD......AND SOME HAD TO FLY "

Optimus laughed to himself and then blasted off into the blue sky....
The end

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Monday, April 02, 2007

Fantasy battles between x-men , lord of the rings , star wars , Hulk , superheroes,power rangers , Fantastic four ,Transformers whoever you decide !!

Who do you want to see in the next Fantasy battle?

Jean Grays alter ego The Dark Phoenix Ultra powerful grade 5 mutant. One of the most powerful of all the X Men.

vs

Saruman the White
Once just and good, this wizard turned to dark and evil after being seduced by the power of Sauron of Mordor.


Optimus Prime One of the most powerful of all the Transformers and the Cybertrons combined.
vs

Power Rangers
Everyday teens who morph into super-coloured, super-powerful, super-hero's in the fight against evil.



The Thing
"Its clobbering time"
vs

The Incredible Hulk
The green mean fighting machine.
"you wouldn't like me when I'm angry"

Neo
The matrix master
vs
Predator
The futuristic hunter from another galaxy

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These well known characters are ready for you to decide who will step into the fantasy battle arena next.

Their weapons are ready, their powers are primed so who's it to be guys you decide.

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