Friday, February 02, 2007

Martha stewart vs Mr Rogers Fantasybattles

MARTHA STEWART ---------- VS ----------- MR ROGERS

Well guys this is the FANTASYBATTLE that you sick puppies wanted to see :)

Three ,two ,one and action...Welcome to Mr rogers neighbourhood ,

" Hi children I hope your all happy and fine today , guess what Ive got a really neat and interesting guest today,can you guys guess who it is?"

"I,ll give you a clue she makes really great cookies and we all love cookies don't we kids, I know I sure do."

Martha Stewart walks into the studio "Hi there Mr rogers ,are you ready to make some yummy yummy cookies, and may I say what a lovely powder blue cardigan you are wearing Mr rogers"

"That's right kids its Martha Stewart , how lovely to see you Martha , say hi to the kids"

"Hi kids I take it you've all been good to your parents today,so I guess you deserve some yummy chocolate and hazelnut cookies" Martha announced

Mr rogers shook Martha by the hand and then whispered into her ear "Do we have to have hazelnuts in the cookies , I'm afraid Ive got a nut allergy and I wont be able to try them"

Martha whispered back"OK, I,ll make one without so you can try it"

"Anyway kids are you ready to see how cookies are made? I just love cookies and milk, it reminds me of when I was a kid too , cookies and milk are so neat"Martha Stewart started to make the cookie dough and engage in chit chat with Mr rogers.

"So Martha hows your morning been, have you had fun" Mr rogers inquired

"Yes thank you Mr Rogers I had yummy blueberry muffins for my breakfast and then had a lovely walk in the garden , what a beautiful day it is today"

"I agree Martha and now to make things really neat we can have some yummy cookies"

"Well kids we will be back after these words to see how we make cookies and then the best bit , eating cookies and milk." Mr rogers explained as he led the programme into its first commercial break. The floor manager counted down with his fingers and three , two , one and break.

Martha turned to Mr Rogers " man Ive got such a hangover this morning ,how long does this vomit inducing programme last?Has anyone got a spliff , I need to chill my bones"Martha shouted out load scanning the studio floor staff.

There was a stunned silence..."GEEZ .Martha I didn't think you where like this at all"Mr rogers said in a shocked voice "Do you drink alcohol and take drugs Martha?"

"Look Mr rogers you fake ass Bitch , How the fuck do you think I get through my bullshit shows without a little Jack Daniels and Green to take the edges off "

"Oh boy...Martha you curse as well ,I really am .... " Mr rogers started to say , he was interrupted by the floor manager

"Back on air in Three , Two, one.... " and then the floor manager pointed and Mr Rogers

"Ummm ... OH hi ....Welcome back kids "Mr Rogers said regaining his composure. "Well these cookies look lovely Martha ,Its so clever how you make cookies"

"Well thank you Mr Rogers ,I have been practicing for a few years now " Both Martha and Mr rogers laughed a fake laugh to cover up the uncomfortableness of the previous conversation.

"Well Mr rogers are you ready for your cookies,There just about done now ,Don't they look just perfect kids" Martha sweetly explained

"Sure Martha , lets taste them neat looking cookies" Mr Rogers picked up one of the cookies and took a nibble "mmm yummy these cookies are just the best"

"Why thank you Mr Rogers your so welcome, how do they taste"

Mr Rogers went to reply ,"ughhh.... cough... cough, sorry kids ...cough ...Looks like It went down the wrong ....couch....ugh ....way" Mr rogers looked at the cookie he had just taken a bite from and saw some little white things sticking out "HAZELNUTS.....arghhhhh, you stupid fucking Whore ,I ....cough ...told you I had a nut allergy...cough"

"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE OLD MAN" Martha screamed. She picked up the rolling pin that was covered in cookie dough and smashed Mr Rogers full in the face sending a shower of cookie dough into the air. " You piece of shit no one talks to me like that!!! ,I,m gonna fuck you up bitch"

Mr Rogers scrambled to his feet wiping the blood from his nose"Now you've really messed up bitch , my face is my fortune" He grabbed Martha by the hair and rammed her head into his piano ...BOINNGGGGGGGGG. Martha collapsed to the floor clutching her head with the piano note of C minor still ringing through the studio.

"Now who's the fucking daddy!!!" Mr Rogers screamed ripping off his powder blue cardigan

Martha jumped to her feet and with piano stall in hand started to approach Mr Rogers "Lets do this fucker " she shouted , her eyes where now all blood shot and wide with rage.

Mr rogers threw his powder blue cardigan to the floor "To the death bitch!!"

Mr rogers picked up the rolling pin and advanced towards Martha there was a hail of rolling pin and piano stall blows raining down with fury from each side.The fight continued to move around the studio ,they where both knocking each other to the floor equally until Mr Rogers shouted "LOOK .......who made that bed ,the corners aren't tucked in a symmetrical fashion." Martha couldn't resist her instincts and looked behind her in the direction Mr Rogers had pointed. Mr Rogers didn't hesitate he drew back his rolling pin and hammered it with such rage into Martha's head knocking her unconscious with one blow, her body slumped to the floor muttering as she fell"oh my god. Not symmetrical corners."

Mr Rogers grabbed her by the hair dragged her over to the piano , placed her head on the piano keys and slammed the piano lid on her head playing a G sharp this time.

It was over.......

Mr rogers stood triumphantly over his quarry , rolling pin in hand,"I fucking told you NO HAZELNUTS BITCH!!
The End

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